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Ever since I had noticed the advertisements aired about the supposedly ‘sabse bada ticket’, I had made up my mind about not watching any of the IPL matches live! Firstly, I have never displayed outstanding attributes of religious fanaticism (the sole reason for my rejection during the campus interviews conducted by LeT and a few other like-minded multi-anti-nationals). And with Cricket having the globally undisputed ‘highest religious following’, I did not really fit into this extremist population. Of course, I do not have anything against live viewership or cricket as such. My disinterest was to be my silent protest against the unduly increasing popularity of Lalit Modi, the ‘Primo Supremo’ (PS), whose actions these days are bordering pure evil! I even skipped an entire meal to drive the nail home completely (had to make-do with snacks)! @Lalit: Dude, I hope you do not take this personally! I would have felt the same way if anybody else had been in your place as well...
Anyway, as a part of my ‘dharna’ I watched every single match on the ‘TV set’! I listened to every single commentary (especially Anjum Chopra – even cricket transforms), including the Sherry Paaji one-liners (for later use to create ‘intellectual fog’ in my office). Though, I must admit that occasionally I did miss the ‘visuals’ of Mandira Bedi (no ulterior objectives btw). I did everything possible to make clear my non-acceptance of the devilish deeds by PS. I even muted the TV every time he appeared in a stadium with different celebrities to “fpeak about what he planff for the next verfion of IPL” or about “the two new fizzling teamf that have joined the IPL rafe”. Now I hate every person who says ‘fa’ as ‘fa’! Sucks! (Pardon the spelling mistake:)). Come to think of it, I actually took upon myself agonizing loads of torture just to thwack him on his posterior, mentally! Can you imagine listening to that brain-numbing cancer-inducing asylum-characteristic laughter of Akshay Kumar, an imitation, that too of Rahul Mahajan! Does even plagiarism have no moral sense of despondency? Micromax – I curse you that your sales will be lesser than even Dimpy Ganguly’s clothing (if there is any such possibility)!
Then there were those fifteen seconds of ‘undiluted buffoonery’ of Oongli Cricket with Baby AB assisted by his dim-witted portly prick and the totally-not-happening chick (hen)! It will really take an earth shattering idea ‘sirjee’ to create something more stupendously fantabulously pathetic than that. Absolute ‘loose motion of words and constipation of thoughts’, as my friend says! Rare though in frequency of telecast, there were indeed some moments of respite, advertisements that do not desperately call for my entry into the ad world ASAP. There is still some talent left in this industry. Sigh! On a side note though: I particularly miss that advertisement by JK Cement. To me that Gandhian babe (clothed to the basic necessity) was the ‘Holy Grail’ of the advertising world, an enigma that even ‘Da Vinci’ or ‘Dan Brown’ would not be in a position to solve! (no offense meant to the personalities named, including that ‘nameless babe’)
So when the option about watching a match live was actually put before me, I was not all that enthused (don’t you dare start doubting my ‘Indian-ness’ because of this!). Well, who would arrange for the tickets? This excuse died in the conception stage itself when I was kindly informed by my caring flat mate that with Reliance serving as exclusive outlets for Mumbai Indians’ IPL tickets, she would ‘home-deliver’ the tickets to me, that too enviable seats! Damn! Another defense wasted! But it is not really possible to watch the match live. Even before you start tracking the ball, the event is completed! A gentleman’s game that it is, the due credence deserving of every cricketing masterstroke is aptly highlighted only through a TV visual (better still a nearby PVR Cinema – you save on your A/C bill, at least that is what Irrfan Khan claims!). However, one of the bright researchers in one of India’s premier institutions brought to my notice two important points. First, that there was a Mumbai Indians vs. Deccan Chargers match in Brabourne Stadium @ Mumbai on a Saturday evening. So what? Second, if there were to be any rankings for Maximum Disclosure of 'Assets' (much like the Kingfisher Fair Play Awards), the Deccan Chargers’ cheerleaders would top the table for the next three years with the same set of clothes (possibly with appropriate adjustments for the rising inflation)! OK, this was an input I couldn’t just ignore! However; do not start making eyebrow-raised weird expressions at me. Miss Opportunity was desperately knocking on my door and I didn’t really want to upset this elusive lady... or whatever!
So finally, no excuse was big enough to miss this mega cricketing event, made all the more subtle because cricket remained a distant and inconsequential objective here. Only a fence stood between us and the charming (for want of a better politically-correct word) cheerleaders. The cricket ground extended beyond them but then for the rest of the crowds in our stand it wouldn’t have made any difference if we were in a mad cricket stadium or a life threatening Mumbai local! So near yet so far! I tell you even this cheerleading was a ‘hotly’ contested battle by itself. I was thoroughly overwhelmed by the antics of this small yet cult group. Allow me to, in typical MBA style with bullet points; highlight/exhort some of the salient features of this exquisite group.
· It was a thoroughly professional group displaying nothing short of the highest standards of ethical/moral behavior (you see ethics and morality are very ‘subjective’ words). Their dressing wasn’t scantily vulgar, it was adequately classy (after all ‘beauty’ lies in the eyes of the beholder!)
· Although only three girls did the dance routine, there was a fourth one present for substitution! Perhaps the only thing I couldn’t really figure out was how they would manage to injure themselves.
· The fielder at deep never missed fielding a ball. In fact, historically some of the most memorable ‘Karbonn Kamaal Catches’ have emerged out of these exotic locations. ‘Youngsters’ on the wrong side of 30 have displayed ‘Ripley’s Believe It Or Not’ moments during their fielding! Take a guess why?
· A good number of ‘bench players’ were invariably found hovering around these regions. Of course, they were only offering drinks/refreshments to players on the field:) Why? What were you thinking?
· A dedicated camera man (preferably imported) brought to our attention heterogeneously innovative ways of looking at the same issue:) Needless to say, he was left with very little time to cover the not-so-over-the-top-antics of the crazy public or say the cricket match itself!
· There was a healthy internal competition rampant between the different cheering groups. If one of the groups was able to create a frenzy in their stands because of their frolics, the other group taking cue, would come up with a mind blowing out-of-the-box routine to get their crowds even crazier. At the end of the day, this open economy system ensured that the consumer got the very best deal and it was ‘paisa-vasool’ all the way!
· Of course, not to forget, there were those other noteworthy ‘eye-turning’ actions of the cheer leaders that were lost within the first 3-4 rows. Well, lesser the revelation, the better it is:)
Anyway, as a part of my ‘dharna’ I watched every single match on the ‘TV set’! I listened to every single commentary (especially Anjum Chopra – even cricket transforms), including the Sherry Paaji one-liners (for later use to create ‘intellectual fog’ in my office). Though, I must admit that occasionally I did miss the ‘visuals’ of Mandira Bedi (no ulterior objectives btw). I did everything possible to make clear my non-acceptance of the devilish deeds by PS. I even muted the TV every time he appeared in a stadium with different celebrities to “fpeak about what he planff for the next verfion of IPL” or about “the two new fizzling teamf that have joined the IPL rafe”. Now I hate every person who says ‘fa’ as ‘fa’! Sucks! (Pardon the spelling mistake:)). Come to think of it, I actually took upon myself agonizing loads of torture just to thwack him on his posterior, mentally! Can you imagine listening to that brain-numbing cancer-inducing asylum-characteristic laughter of Akshay Kumar, an imitation, that too of Rahul Mahajan! Does even plagiarism have no moral sense of despondency? Micromax – I curse you that your sales will be lesser than even Dimpy Ganguly’s clothing (if there is any such possibility)!
Then there were those fifteen seconds of ‘undiluted buffoonery’ of Oongli Cricket with Baby AB assisted by his dim-witted portly prick and the totally-not-happening chick (hen)! It will really take an earth shattering idea ‘sirjee’ to create something more stupendously fantabulously pathetic than that. Absolute ‘loose motion of words and constipation of thoughts’, as my friend says! Rare though in frequency of telecast, there were indeed some moments of respite, advertisements that do not desperately call for my entry into the ad world ASAP. There is still some talent left in this industry. Sigh! On a side note though: I particularly miss that advertisement by JK Cement. To me that Gandhian babe (clothed to the basic necessity) was the ‘Holy Grail’ of the advertising world, an enigma that even ‘Da Vinci’ or ‘Dan Brown’ would not be in a position to solve! (no offense meant to the personalities named, including that ‘nameless babe’)
So when the option about watching a match live was actually put before me, I was not all that enthused (don’t you dare start doubting my ‘Indian-ness’ because of this!). Well, who would arrange for the tickets? This excuse died in the conception stage itself when I was kindly informed by my caring flat mate that with Reliance serving as exclusive outlets for Mumbai Indians’ IPL tickets, she would ‘home-deliver’ the tickets to me, that too enviable seats! Damn! Another defense wasted! But it is not really possible to watch the match live. Even before you start tracking the ball, the event is completed! A gentleman’s game that it is, the due credence deserving of every cricketing masterstroke is aptly highlighted only through a TV visual (better still a nearby PVR Cinema – you save on your A/C bill, at least that is what Irrfan Khan claims!). However, one of the bright researchers in one of India’s premier institutions brought to my notice two important points. First, that there was a Mumbai Indians vs. Deccan Chargers match in Brabourne Stadium @ Mumbai on a Saturday evening. So what? Second, if there were to be any rankings for Maximum Disclosure of 'Assets' (much like the Kingfisher Fair Play Awards), the Deccan Chargers’ cheerleaders would top the table for the next three years with the same set of clothes (possibly with appropriate adjustments for the rising inflation)! OK, this was an input I couldn’t just ignore! However; do not start making eyebrow-raised weird expressions at me. Miss Opportunity was desperately knocking on my door and I didn’t really want to upset this elusive lady... or whatever!
So finally, no excuse was big enough to miss this mega cricketing event, made all the more subtle because cricket remained a distant and inconsequential objective here. Only a fence stood between us and the charming (for want of a better politically-correct word) cheerleaders. The cricket ground extended beyond them but then for the rest of the crowds in our stand it wouldn’t have made any difference if we were in a mad cricket stadium or a life threatening Mumbai local! So near yet so far! I tell you even this cheerleading was a ‘hotly’ contested battle by itself. I was thoroughly overwhelmed by the antics of this small yet cult group. Allow me to, in typical MBA style with bullet points; highlight/exhort some of the salient features of this exquisite group.
· It was a thoroughly professional group displaying nothing short of the highest standards of ethical/moral behavior (you see ethics and morality are very ‘subjective’ words). Their dressing wasn’t scantily vulgar, it was adequately classy (after all ‘beauty’ lies in the eyes of the beholder!)
· Although only three girls did the dance routine, there was a fourth one present for substitution! Perhaps the only thing I couldn’t really figure out was how they would manage to injure themselves.
· The fielder at deep never missed fielding a ball. In fact, historically some of the most memorable ‘Karbonn Kamaal Catches’ have emerged out of these exotic locations. ‘Youngsters’ on the wrong side of 30 have displayed ‘Ripley’s Believe It Or Not’ moments during their fielding! Take a guess why?
· A good number of ‘bench players’ were invariably found hovering around these regions. Of course, they were only offering drinks/refreshments to players on the field:) Why? What were you thinking?
· A dedicated camera man (preferably imported) brought to our attention heterogeneously innovative ways of looking at the same issue:) Needless to say, he was left with very little time to cover the not-so-over-the-top-antics of the crazy public or say the cricket match itself!
· There was a healthy internal competition rampant between the different cheering groups. If one of the groups was able to create a frenzy in their stands because of their frolics, the other group taking cue, would come up with a mind blowing out-of-the-box routine to get their crowds even crazier. At the end of the day, this open economy system ensured that the consumer got the very best deal and it was ‘paisa-vasool’ all the way!
· Of course, not to forget, there were those other noteworthy ‘eye-turning’ actions of the cheer leaders that were lost within the first 3-4 rows. Well, lesser the revelation, the better it is:)
Now just because I have been going gaga over this particular group, don’t you dare start making judgments on my character and all that associated crap. It’s just that being a scrupulous professional myself, I couldn’t help but appreciate such astounding display of professionalism, slightly paradigm though. By the way, did I tell you that MI (Mumbai Indians) eventually won that match. No matter how much my loyalty to the MI team may be, deep down I wanted Deccan Chargers to bring the match to the line, if not for anything else but letting us watch the wild ‘cheering’! Finally, much as the cricketing cliché goes, “it was a day when the game of cricket won”. Damn it! I don’t actually recollect anything ‘crickety’ about that evening. May be, “It was a day when cricket also won” sounds better:) Primo Supremo – your ‘conspiracy theory’ actually worked! You fooled us gullible folks into believing that in fact DLF IPL was the biggest ticket, knowing very well our fickle fantasies on and off the field. Can I say that I hate you because ‘I just want to hate you’? Hell!
P.S. I hate you....
