Part 3: The 'First Night' @ Goa
The sun had retraced its way down the horizon to illuminate the other half of the world. While the rest of the sane-world was gearing up for bed, this owl named Goa was getting out of it. Based on a quick environmental survey, our group members had short-listed things that needed to be done on priority basis. First, we had to rush to the beach to catch a glimpse of the golden sunset. As a bonus, we got to snatch a fleeting glance at rows and rows of bikini-clad femella editions of homosapiens, deeply content after long hours of sun-bathing (for some in our group the order of the two preceding events may be conveniently interchanged).
Hypothesis Statement: “People say that the cleanliness of a beach is directly proportional to the number of Indians present!” (I repeat, these are not my words!) Anyway, the Palolem beach was as clean as ‘cleanliness’ could be! The water was sparkling, the grains of sand were absolutely ‘unsoiled’, the surroundings were spic and span and yes, almost all the people were definitely from beyond-our-shores... Strange! OK, Hypothesis proved. Once the two striking leads from our evening (the ‘sun’ and the ‘bathers’) departed from the scene, we were done with our appetizers and were taking some time-off before our main course, figuratively and literally! Let me now dwell on our beach house for a moment. Well, like I had mentioned earlier, this dude called Povi had reserved this house for us. By the way, his name is Praveen but the ‘foreign devotees’ who come there lovingly changed his name to Povi, how Goa-like! Although his frame was such that even a slight breath might blow him away, yet I was fascinated by his ingenuity and business acumen. With a good number of huts, a fine beach-facing restaurant, regular foreign customers, rare Indian customers – well he had all the makings of an awesome life. He literally owned that portion of the beach!
Anyway, coming back to our ‘appetizers’ world... All the tourists had slipped into their evening wear (‘party wear’ if I must specify the part of evening) and were making their way towards the beach eateries. The entire stretch of over 300-400 mts of the beach was beaming from the glittering lights on the eating joints. Some of those places were already initiating the speakers/flash lights testing, gearing up for the eventful night ahead. We drifted towards the beach on the lookout for ‘food’. Even as we were strolling in the dark towards this oasis, one of the members had a chance encounter.! (For extreme security reasons, I am not even changing the name of this person involved to ‘Anonymous’, let’s just call him 'XYZee'). ‘Fully dressed’ in a half sleeve vest and boxer shorts, this dude was all set to burn the dancing floor. With a manly strut and physique like that of a Veer (not Salman Khan’s misadventure into ‘historic movies’), this dude was all spilling attitude and awesomeness, in a single breath! As they say, even a tiny spark is sufficient to create a fire in a heap of hay, so was the case with this steaming guy. He walked into one of the beach shacks that housed a visibly beautiful firang and then what ensued is something I will desist from elaborating! Different versions with their corresponding spice graphically outline the subsequent moves, but, because this is a ‘Sooraj Barjatya’ type of write-up you need to pardon me for my secrecy. Just keep in mind that this steamy episode took place even before XYZee had set his foot on the dance floor. Now that’s what I call a truly “Ladies Man”! I want to stand up and say with my hands circling “Kya Baat! Kya Baat! Kya Baat!” (those of you who follow the show ‘Dance India Dance’ will know what I mean) Will return after a while to XYZee.
On the beach, everyone seemed to be in a different kind of world, there was a strange contentment all around. Yes, and people say Goa is not a very spiritual place! I dare you to go to the Goa beaches and just look at the faces of people (not shamelessly, you pervert!), you will undoubtedly find a golden glow of happiness engulfing them. That, my dear friends, is ‘practical spirituality’ (this is very dicey subject, so, will keep it for later). Anyway, after XYZee’s “Koffee with Firang” it was time for the rest of us mortals to settle down somewhere for food. Well, each of the food joints was as tempting as its neighbour. I tell you, even the sand is always ‘whiter’ on the other side of the fence. After orchestrating a detailed Integrated Cost Benefit Analysis, our team identified a restaurant where we should be entering. Everything was smooth sail till our rendezvous with the waiter there. For some incomprehensible reason that waiter gave an impression that he had completed his B.Tech from one of the famed IITs and then gone on to obtain his MBA from yet another of the IIMs and then on the very first day of placements had managed to get selected into this remote food joint on a God-forsaken Goa beach! (even God would not dare to venture into this beach because of everything that goes on here, well almost). Right from the word Go this ‘gyaani-of-a-waiter’ deluged us with a loose motion of words abysmally pathetic to say the least, nuggets of wretched ignorance, everything else except what he was supposed to do – “WAIT!” Anyway, forget it! By the way, I have nothing against people from IITs and IIMs:J
It was then time to ignore these hiccups and move on to the more inviting things – The Dance Floor! Gradually as our dinner progressed, our particular dance floor was picking up ‘colors’ (Cost Benefit Analysis was actually working!) Soon after, there were a series of ‘CID Specials’ (the TV serial on Sony with the highest degree of overacting ever recorded in motion picture history) where the detectives in our group went and performed Sherlock-Holmes-type-of-deductions about the different ‘angels’ on the block! By the way, some of these James Bonds were actually rewarded with background stories (not ‘bed-time’ stories!) from the angels themselves. Beauty, liquids, music and lights (in decreasing quantum) – man, they make the deadliest cocktail! With the air of excitement around, people did not need any excuse to do nonsense. For saying something provocative, one of the members ‘Voinn’ was air lifted from the dining table and royally dumped into the dark salty waters of the Arabian Sea. It definitely was fun and by the time people started getting tired, the time was close to 2:00/3:00 am (no one really cared to look at the time here)!
Even as people were walking back towards their shacks with their liquid-heavy bodies and drained-out souls, there were occasional heavy-alcohol-induced-outbursts from random folks along the beach. Some people had settled on the beach and continued swaying to the imaginary iTunes playing in their heads! Yet other folks wandered about aimlessly, leaving behind an erratic trail that no sane human being would ever be in a position to explain, at least geometrically! Perhaps the only people who could make sense out of all this nonsense were the ones who were totally drunk and smoked and whatever! Anyway, all of this only added up to the indescribable mystique of the entire place.
As we were nearing our shack, due to some sightings just moments earlier, the ‘Koffee with Firang’ starrer XYZee had been ‘aroused’ (the surroundings were cool, circumstances made it hot:J). With the generated excitement came a new ‘avatar’ of XYZee and now he was all ‘coolness and dude in the same breath’. By now you must have guessed that “Whenever XYZee takes on a new Avatar, something happens somewhere” (just like in the comic strip ‘Chacha Chaudhary’ where every time Sabu gets angry, a volcano erupts somewhere). This time it was the turn of the male edition of homosapiens who ‘slipped’ upon getting struck by the inescapable charm of XYZee. Well, what came next is something that only XYZee can explain best, simply because he was ‘in the battlefield’ at the time of action. The rest of us from our ‘balcony seats distance’ called it a case of Maxx Rear X (Maximum Rear Exposure). Reporters say that on seeing XYZee and more importantly his vigor, this portly videshi man did an immediate act of “Jahanpanah tussi great ho, tofa kabool karo”, of course sans the words and more importantly sans his underpants!!! Those of you who have seen ‘3 Idiots’ will know the dangers of the exact posture that I am talking about and those of you clueless, my advice – “Dude, you haven’t seen 3 Idiots, what’s wrong with you, idiot?” XYZee, the ‘ladies man’ in an instant had become the ‘man’s man’. And you people still complain about Sec 377? Come on, at least give him that! This confusing Dostana occurrence brought to an end the Christmas day celebrations for XYZee. Anyway, with the early traces of the dawn setting in, it was time to drop down on the beds and grab some much needed rest. Will continue once I am up...
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